Should I Get a Divorce? 10 questions to ask yourself first.

Deciding whether or not to divorce is one of the most difficult and life-altering choices you’ll ever make. If you’re reading this, chances are you’re feeling uncertain, exhausted, or stuck, maybe even ashamed for asking the question at all.

First, take a breath. You’re not alone.

Divorce doesn’t always mean failure. Sometimes, it’s a powerful act of clarity and self-respect, and sometimes, that same clarity leads you to rebuild the relationship in a healthier way.

The goal of this post isn’t to push you toward divorce or reconciliation. It’s to help you ask the right questions — the kind that bring truth to the surface and guide you toward a calm, grounded, soul-aligned decision.

10 Questions to Ask Yourself Before Getting a Divorce

1. Am I in survival mode, or can I make clear decisions?

Divorce affects every layer of your life — legal, emotional, financial, and spiritual. If you’re operating from a fight, flight, or freeze state, clarity can be clouded. Sometimes, the first step isn’t leaving — it’s regulating your nervous system so you can make choices from calm, not chaos.

2. Do I feel emotionally safe in this relationship?

Emotional safety is foundational. Can you express your needs and feelings without fear of criticism or manipulation? Or are you constantly bracing for conflict? Pay attention — emotional safety is often the line between repairable and unsustainable.

3. If nothing ever changed, would I be okay with that?

Hope can be beautiful, but it can also keep us stuck. Ask yourself: If this dynamic never improved, could I still thrive here?

4. Have I clearly expressed my needs, boundaries, and desires?

Before deciding it’s over, get honest about what you’ve communicated. Unspoken resentment and avoidance keep you trapped in patterns. Sometimes, clear, compassionate communication can shift things more than you expect.

5. Do I want to grow with this person, or grow away from them?

You’re allowed to evolve. You’re allowed to outgrow someone. But also ask: am I walking away because I’ve outgrown this relationship, or because it’s pushing me to confront my own growth edge?

Sometimes what looks like an ending is actually an invitation to evolve — together.

6. Is there abuse (emotional, financial, verbal, or physical)?

Abuse isn’t always visible. If you’re walking on eggshells, being gaslit, or cut off from money or support, the priority isn’t clarity — it’s safety. You don’t need more reasons to leave an abusive relationship. You need a plan and professional help.

7. Am I staying for the kids, or leaving for the kids?

Children thrive when at least one parent is emotionally healthy and grounded. For some, that means doing the work and staying. For others, it means modeling self-worth and boundaries by leaving. Don’t let guilt or shame make this decision for you.

8. What am I afraid will happen if I leave?

Fear often hides under “I don’t know.” Is it fear of being alone, of financial loss, of regret? Name it. Once fear is acknowledged, it loses power and becomes something you can work with.

9. Have we truly exhausted our options to heal?

Not years of limbo, but real effort: therapy, communication, boundaries, truth-telling. If you’re still unsure, try one last focused effort to repair. Clarity often comes through action, not avoidance.

10. What kind of life am I creating, and does this relationship support that vision?

This final question isn’t about your marriage. It’s about your future self — your peace, purpose, and growth. Is this relationship aligned with who you’re becoming?

You Don’t Have to Decide Alone

These questions aren’t meant to push you toward an answer — they’re meant to bring you closer to your truth.

Some people realize they’re ready to end their marriage. Others find a path to rebuild it from a place of honesty and strength. Both are courageous. Both are valid.

If you’re still unsure, take the next gentle step toward clarity:

👉 Download the Free Clarity Workshop, a guided workbook with reflection prompts, nervous system tools, and next-step planning support to help you move forward with confidence.

Remember: Divorce isn’t the end of your story. It’s the beginning of a new chapter, one you get to write with wisdom, peace, and power.

You’re allowed to want more.

You’re allowed to get clear.

And you’re allowed to take your time.